Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just high enough for therapy.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
