hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's never too late to be topless.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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