Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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