Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
