Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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