Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize