Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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