"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
