I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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