no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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