i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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