How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
