can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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