The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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