he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
