we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
