Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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