It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
