Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You made out with two different species that night
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
