dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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