Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
