i was rollin on her like bob the builder
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
