none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
