I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
