I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
