I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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