are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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