I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
