i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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