What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
