Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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