it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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