The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
