You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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