The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
