you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
