...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize