We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
