So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
