i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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