Where is the hickey?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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