Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
