Ambien. No doubt about it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
