kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
