the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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