You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
