Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
