I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
