So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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