Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it was like eating out sand paper
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize