No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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