It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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