is wine microwaveable?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The uberlube is also flammable
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize