meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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