Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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