no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
