At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
