I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
