I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
