I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
PANTIES FOUND
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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