I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
