planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
