I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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