After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
