I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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