He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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