WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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