chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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