I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
