At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
