Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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