what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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